1 lb powdered/confectioner's sugar
1/2 c. cocoa powder (unsweetened)
1 stick (1/2 c.) butter (actual goddamned butter, don't be a pussy)
1/4 c. milk (not skim--jesus, what is wrong with you? This is CANDY for fuck's sake)
1 tbls. vanilla
1/4 tsp. salt
Don't be an idiot and use a bowl you can't nuke. Seriously. You don't want plastic in your fudge, that shit is tragic. Unless you're trying to kill people, then, you know, whatever. You do what you goddamn want.
Empty the sugar into the bowl--DON'T INHALE, you don't want sugar-coated lungs, only Willy Wonka can handle that shit. Snorting powdered sugar is not nearly as awesome as it sounds, kiddies, believe me. Get the butter from the fridge (you weren't softening it, were you? GODDAMN THESE AREN'T COOKIES, FOR FUCK'S SAKE) and dice it; then sprinkle it in there. Okay, now get your fucking butter knives, and start cutting the butter up in there like the badass you are. Too much butter on the knife? Scrape that whore off and keep going. Keep going until your goddamn arms want to fall off. KEEP MOTHERFUCKING GOING, GODDAMNIT, YOU'VE GOT TO DISTRIBUTE THE BUTTER EVENLY OR THIS SHIT WON'T WORK.
Now you can reach for that goddamn spoon and mix the milk in--WHOLE MILK, but cream is also acceptable. Nuke the fuck out of that bitch, 2-3 minutes should melt all that butter. Pour in the vanilla--AND DON'T USE THAT PUSSY-ASS NON-ALCOHOLIC VANILLA. BOURBON, SON. DON'T HUFF THAT SHIT BECAUSE IT'LL FEEL LIKE BEES INFESTED YOUR SINUSES. DELICIOUS BEES. This is also the time you add in the salt. Don't bitch at me, add that shit in there, otherwise your fudge will go from a fucking epic heist movie to a shallow-ass Lifetime Original piece of crap.
Pour into a 9x9" glass dish (pan? Whatever the fuck it's called, you know what it is) and refrigerate OVERNIGHT. DON'T WHINE AT ME ABOUT THIS STEP, YOU'RE A GROWN-ASS ADULT. YOU CAN WAIT.
I am the motherfucking dealer in my house. No shit, son, I got them eating out of my hands like a boss whenever I make this. Fucking fantastic.